A DEEP FEELING IN MY HEART!!!
Kinda felt regret for the things that I had done...
How i wished everything can be erased in my mind now!!
It just remind me how stupidity & silly I was!! REALLY!! IT DO!!
ARGHHHH......
Let me to hate myself even more and more...
I dunno how to pull out from this feelings..
My heart felt so ache whenever i think back of it!!
Because I never grateful & thankful for what the life I'm having..
And felt myself I managed to live with my own styles..
and even hating someone to bother into my life!!
or nagging me whatever for the things I want to do...
Because of the high pride, God destroyed everything that I should owned..
I couldn't expected that it was happened on Me!!
and you will found out that someone had grabbed your things which you should belong
slowly and slowly until you realized there is nothing is left at your side!!
By the time you had realized, you had to say GOODBYE to them..
and it always too late already~
It just like someone dragged you from the heaven to the hell!!!
There is no light and you only could felt the darkness surrounded you~
I really really couldn't accept myself at the moment..
Suddenly jumped into that kinda situation, I started to lost myself..
and made me dunno who I am already..
My dream and my hope all disappeared already..
and hiding myself everyday in the room so that I do not have to face the things..
and keep myself silent so that I no need to explain to everyone..
and keep pretend I'm strong so that no one will see what I'm going wrong..
Trying hard to keep myself happy and happy in front of people..
but it just seem useless cause my heart still mind about it..
and my brain still can't stop think of it!!
The pain is still holding on and all I can do is CRY!!!
Keep on blaming life always unfair to me,
Keep on grumbling why it should happened on me...
and what I had done wrong until need me to bear this kind of suffer!!!
The hatred and all unsatisfied feelings keep stir up in my heart every single day~
Because I can't found any reasons to forgive myself!!!!
I think no one could understand me better at that moment,
and I had forgot how I struggled myself throughout the day at that time...
Although it had passed for so long,
but the pain & hurt still painted vividly in my mind!!
I think this is the biggest punishment that He giving to me~
YEA, I felt pain, I felt it suffer, I felt it wrong, and yet I HAD REGRET!!!
because I never treasure people that I had done for me
especially my CLOSEST ONE!!..
and I never care their feeling
and only know to bring them disappointed & sadness on me..
Before looking into more further...
Things not always seem too bad like what you think..
Because we like to look the things as bad sight,
and treat it hopeless or it's like the end of the world..
but when you started to analyze it deeply
and you will found that it was a good lesson that God giving to you!!
He let you know who the person that truly treat you
that you must respect & treasure them..
and you never appreciate it for the things what you had
and what the people had done for you
because you always take it as Normal!!
Until it was gone, you will started to realize how important it was~
People always like that, they never take granted for the things
that come easily for them....
until the things was lost and they will started to notice of it!!
To my most important person :
Thanks for always be side whenever I hit on problems or troubles
and thanks always be there for me..
and thanks for always standing there beside me..
and thanks for everything that you had done for me..
I promised I will changed like what you wanted to be..
I wished I not just saying it, and I must do it..
Really, I really so regretted to not value you
as I always think it was a necessary..
SORRY!!!
Now, I am wrong but I hope it is not too late for me to change..
Let's time proof everything and stayed there and watch it!!
When my last teardrop had falls...
I know everything should made a FULL STOP at here..
and there is no more point for me to stay in the past anymore...
I guessed I had put it down.. yea, I seriously DID IT!!!
There is no reason to hold all those memories and feelings again!!
Perhaps, i should move on to a new life.. This is what I'm doing right now!!
and try to search things that more value and better to me!
Find myself to somethings that more meaning for me..
I know I'm not alone now because I had found someone to live in my heart..
That is my Mighty God which the one I need in my whole life~
Seriously, without Him my life still live in the darkness and I am not what I am now!!
He had enlighten me and also my heart since the day I decide to live on Christ way..
He gives me the truth that He always a righteous,
because life is always unpredictable
but I'm know nothing is impossible under His protection & grace forever,
and He will lead us to the right way under His guidance,
if we do believe & strong faith on Him!!
and He showed me the way to follow Him that His love is so greater
and more than parent on earth can give!!
Nothing is greater than Him!!!
I know I'm nothing or talented or even the special or perfect one..
But I believed in your eyes we still is your beloved no matter how..
You still love us and find us back to follow you even how we had neglected you..
That why I started to lay my whole heart onto you..
And i should not have any doubt on you again
and must made my faith grow stronger & firm in my heart!!
Well, Life still keep moving on..
Thanks God, for showing me the meaning of life to be with you..
and I know you always be right here for me =)
A deeply from my heart~♥
